Time- it is the ultimate marker and healer, it knows no bounds but carries them all.
I think most about it and understand it the least.
What is a year? Did this past one drag on or vanish faster than any other?
To me, it is both, as I had the most change in my life and also did the least. Time is relative to space and my spacetime travels decreased dramatically from the backyard to inside and back out again. A trip to the woods and the grocery store. I put my nose to the flesh of the earth and dug my nails into PA soils. Why is it that in a time where I felt deeply uprooted I also felt more grounded than in a long time? How strange this life really is. The mass uncertainty delivered me clarity. The past year has been tragic and painful in so many ways, I can’t say emphasize that enough. Global trauma, cultural and societal and racial trauma, personal trauma, the trauma and grief of loss. Insurmountable loss from the loss of thousands upon thousands of lives. Loss of a taken for granted daily life of instant gratification and consumerism and overall suffering inflicted by deeply seated hate and a pure evil stream of energy. There is/was a dark dark cloud covering this planet.
That being said, there has been an opportunity to reflect and adapt that I am truly grateful for despite the weight of the previous sentences. I find peace in living a simple life: Eating local food and supporting farmers in my community and shopping local as often as possible, getting to know those people. Cooking meals with Ross and trying new recipes. Pairing drinks with food. Listening to full albums and finding the best deep cuts. Going for really long walks and learning French Creek State Park. Watching a 400 year old Oak Tree grow its leaves in. Having bonfires and chopping wood. Painting and experimenting with media. Having more time to develop Alluvian and publish a new issue. Floating down the Schuylkill and the Brandywine. Growing sunflowers that grew higher than the front porch. Spending time with my family. Laughing. Moving to the mountains. Starting a service year and working with new people, finding a purpose in education. These are just a few.
With all that being said, I have an ache in my heart. While I have a love for solitude, at my core I am an extrovert. More than anything, I miss being in a sea of dancing people and getting funky at a show. I miss going to new places and meeting new people. I miss talking to people and hearing their stories. I miss wild spontaneity. I miss HRB and all the people who congregated there. I long for going into NYC for Phish’s new years run. I miss so many people from my life that I haven’t seen because of the circumstances of the pandemic. My heart is with yours.
I feel like an island a lot these days. But I know the tectonic plates and the workings of the universe never stop turning, and while we are apart right now, eventually, we will collide again, and for that I’m grateful and excited. I can’t wait to go down a long row of people and hug every one of you. Human connection is a powerful medicinal force. I look forward to this planet starting to heal. I feel inspired to keep combating hate with blazing positivity, love and laughter, in a non-corny way. In the meantime, I’ll be in my basement, The Blue Rose, painting or wandering in the woods, watching the sun and the moon traveling their paths, wondering, where all the time goes.
Where will we be in another year? What will transpire?
Seasons Blessings <3 KEW